My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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