my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
