He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I touched a dick in church today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
