I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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