is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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