ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
