can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
