I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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