Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize