He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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