I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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