I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
