How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize