i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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