Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize