wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
