I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
