I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Drunk is a universal language darling
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
