look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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