She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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