i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ladies don't puke and tell
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
