This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
