I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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