Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
