he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
