Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
last night I used snow as a chaser
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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