She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I supernannyed him into submission
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
