"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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