I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i think i have herpe
just one?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
