i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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