i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
