32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
