I wanna bring you to show and tell
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
