i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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