don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
