I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
