i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
