maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's official drugs can't kill me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
