Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
