just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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