Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
