If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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