So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
