Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
