Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
