plz talk dirty to me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
