found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
