It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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