wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
