Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
