She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
