I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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