he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
