Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just gift wrapped bread.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
