I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
