you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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