plz talk dirty to me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize