I just cut my nipple shaving
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
