please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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