dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
