so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
