I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
