Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
