i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My nipple is on Facebook.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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