It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
