That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
