I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
