I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
