My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize