i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Randomize
