Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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