At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize