youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
someone owes me an orgasm
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
