They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
