he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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