She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
