Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
