i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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