I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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