Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
