if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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