Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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