You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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