She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
