and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
