Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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