Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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