just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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