Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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