I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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