if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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