I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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