Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
