I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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