I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
