bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
