Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
