I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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