Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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