she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
