In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize