Your tits are I can't wait for
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
