haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
