I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
